Erehwon
Author: Dr Charles Forbin
Copyright© 1999
Minx interupted my musings, the concern for me plain in her voice.
"But Michael, you were gone for six weeks. What happened in the rest of that time?"
I opened my eyes and focused on her.
"And he wandered in the wilderness for forty days. And I did," I said trying to keep the irritation from my voice. "And I suffered in that wilderness Minkin. And I alone returned to tell thee, as did Ishmal."
I closed my eyes and continued the story, concentrating to make sure that I said exactly what I needed to say.
When I woke up that next morning at the sound of the gong, I saw my saffron robe had been replaced by a pale green robe instead.
"Well I've been promoted I suppose," I thought.
I was startled to hear my friend across the hall greet me cheerfully.
"Good Morning friend," he said walking to the entrance of my cell.
"And to you friend," I replied. "Are names permitted here?"
"Between us, yes but not in a public area. I'm Alexi and you are?" he said reaching to shake hands.
"Michael," I said grasping it firmly.
"The Marahani must think highly of you to promote you so soon," he said.
"I suppose so. You know I didn't exactly volunteer for this," I replied releasing his hand.
"I know. But you are learning quickly of the ways of the Temple. Soon you will learn of the ways of pain," he said.
Oh great.
"I know about pain," I replied shortly.
He shook his head.
"I thought I knew about pain until I came here. Then I learned more," he said simply and walked away.
That thought occupied most of my time during my morning meal even more then the fact people were asking me questions and speaking to me for the first time.
I answered as many questions as I could without saying too much about my own background and waited for the THWOCK of the other shoe dropping. I wondered if Alexi was just trying to rattle my cage, of if he was serious about pain.
I knew pain. Lydia had taught me about pain. I knew I didn't like it.
"And what thoughts are so important that you do not notice when I speak to you student?"
I turned to face a stout black robed woman standing with my Teacher. She seemed to radiate her displeasure with me like a hot stove and I caught people out of the corner of my eye moving away slightly from the blast area.
"I was thinking of pain Maharani," I answered honestly, but careful to incline my head and lower my eyes.
"And well you should be. You have progressed to this point by losing your fear. Fear is necessary to survive. I will teach it to you again and you will learn these lessons well," she snapped and walked off.
I bowed quickly to my Teacher and followed the black robed Maharani to whatever fate awaited me.
I found out soon enough as I followed her to a flight of stone steps that led down into a cold stone room, devoid of anything other than a stone table and torches burning in holders along the wall.
"Strip and lay down on the table face up," I was commanded.
I did as I was told and laid down cringing at the cold stone on my back and ass and closed my eyes momentarly.
And I do mean momentairly as I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and opened my eyes to see the Maharani poking a long nailed finger into my diaphram.
"I wll tell you when you may close your eyes and when you may open them, is that clear to you?" she said staring into my buldging eyes.
"Yes Marahani," I gasped.
She pulled the finger out and then pressed it into my leg at a pressure point sending waves of pain through my body again.
"You will not refer to me by my title. To you I am Mistress AngelFox and you are a new slave for me to train. I enjoy giving pain to animals like you, so you may expect to enjoy it as well.
Is that understood?" she asked.
"Yes Mistress AngelFox," I agreed when she removed the finger as my leg spasmed and kicked.
"Good. You might have noticed I only use my hands to cause you pain. I don't need anything else. Remember that," she instructed.
I laid there eyes open as she walked out of my sight and tried to concentrate on keeping my breathing calm and regular.
"What are you thinking?" I heard her say from out of my sight.
"I'm thinking about breathing Mistress AngelFox," I replied.
"Keep breathing."
I kept my eyes open and tried to keep my mind blank. Focused.
Then suddenly the pain again as she stepped forward suddenly and pressed a finger into a spot on my wrist.
I trembled from the pain and tried not to scream out. It was like fire burning it's way up my arm.
"Learn from the pain. Find what it can teach you," she said softly releasing me then snuffed out the torches leaving me in the dark.
She walked away leaving me shaking from her touch.
I laid there for a long time, the stone sucking the heat from my body, but I still kept my eyes open, streaching out with my feelings, listening to the sounds around me.
I heard my breathing and I heard the pop of the torches as they cooled, but I couldn't hear any sound of movement in the room.
I started to shift position on the table and without warning felt the pain this time in my legs as she appeared out of the darkness as a darker mass.
"Did I tell you to move?" she asked sharply.
"No, Mistress AngelFox," I croaked.
"Correct," she said and the pain stopped.
I heard her walk away and a few minutes later my Teacher appeared bearing a torch and ignited the others mounted on the wall.
"You are in pain?" she asked quietly.
"Yes Teacher," I said trying to maintain my control over my tears.
"Do you understand why?"
"Yes, I was tortured," I choked out.
"Then you do not understand yet. You will learn," she said and helped me sit up.
She directed me to continure with my normal duties as she helped me limp up the steps and back into daylight.
"Teacher, I can't," I moaned, staggering to a stone bench and sitting down.
"You can not or will not?" she asked firmly.
I looked into her eyes to see the same look Minx has when I refused an order that to her was reasonable and proper.
"I will obey," I said levering myself from the bench slowly.
"You claim to have been trained. Is your training so poor or so old you have forgotten how to function with pain as your companion?" she continued.
I flushed with embarrassment and anger at the suggestion that my training was poor. The student might be, but the training never.
"Perhaps I have forgotten Teacher. My training was some time ago and I have forgotten much," I replied stoutly.
"Then you will remember it."
I went about my regular duties, although a bit more slowly than usual, and giving massages to others that afternoon while I was in pain added to my feelings of anger about my experiences of earlier in the day.
I pushed the feeling back into a corner of my mind and refocused my attentions on my work.
I was preparing for my next massage when the man I was to work on was pushed aside by Mistress AngelFox and she commanded me to kneel before her.
She swung her gaze around the room and with a gesture cleared it of people leaving me kneeling before her waiting for her next command.
"You don't like me do you student?" she demanded sharply.
"Not very much Mistress AngelFox," I replied, bracing for her reaction.
"And I don't like you either student. I think you're a waste of my time and talents, but as you are here, I will teach you despite your incompetence," she replied.
Incompetence! That did it.
"Mistress AngelFox, if my inability to withstand your brutality makes me incompetent, I humbly apologize. Perhaps where I was trained, I was given the chance to prove my ability instead of being judged on the basis of one time," I replied as calmly as I could.
"Insolent too. You will learn to speak when I want you to speak and how I want you to speak. Is that understood?" she snarled.
"Yes Mistress AngelFox!" I snapped quickly. I'm not the smartest man in the world, but I know when I've been given an order by someone who's just looking for an excuse to punish me.
"You will join me in my room after the meal tonight and we will continue your lessons," she ordered.
"Yes Mistress AngelFox!" I replied, dreading the encounter.
"Good," was all she said and walked out of the room leaving me on my knees.
I didn't eat much at dinner that evening, sensing that I probably wouldn't be keeping it down anyway, but trying not to project my renewed fears into my reactions.
I was afraid of her. I was irrationally afraid of her and the fear made me angry.
I'd been tortured before by a woman who hated me without reservation. Only chance had saved me the second time we met.
But Mistress AngelFox gave pain at the touch of her hand.
I could see the whip or the crop or the tawse. But the idea of her touching me made me shake.
As I sat thinking, she walked by and looked at my empty food bowl and waited expectantly for me to rise and follow her. I knew if I waited much longer the punishment would be worse, so I arose and waited for her command to follow.
The command never came. She gestured for me to sit and walked away leaving both relieved and confused.
Was this a trick of some kind?
I waited a discrete interval and hesitantly asked one of the Maharani where I could find her chambers.
Instead of becoming upset that I spoke to her, she led me out of the hall and down the maze of corridors to a solid wooden door. She pointed and then departed silently leaving me to stare at the door.
"Abandon all hope ye who enter here" might well have been carved above it the way I approached it to knock. But knock I did, lightly at first, then with more vigor.
"Enter!"
I opened the door to find her waiting impatiently, tapping her booted foot on the floor and holding a tawse in her hand.
"You took too long to come here," she snapped. "Close the door and assume the position."
I swiftly closed the door and knelt before her head down and ass exposed and waited for the inevitable contact between her tawse and my flesh.
I didn't wait long either as it cut across my ass and the old scar tissue from my accident. I felt a trickle of liquid running down my ass and gritted my teeth to keep from crying out.
"What do you say student?" she asked sweetly.
"Thank you Mistress AngelFox," I said through the haze of pain.
"Louder!" she said and punctuated the command with another swing of the tawse.
"THANK YOU MISTRESS ANGELFOX!" I shouted.
She stepped in front of me and ordered me to look up at her.
I raised my head and watched as she stroked the tawse between her nylon clad legs, and then raised it to my nose.
"Smell it student."
I smelled leather and blood and then the scent of her female juices that wet the impliment.
"I enjoy giving pain to students and after a time they enjoy my attentions," she said."Now lick it clean."
I ran my tongue over the rough leather, trying not to gag at the texture if not the taste of the leather.
She let me lick it for a minute and then walked out of my sight again.
For what felt like hours, I felt the cane, the tawse, and the paddle across my ass until I finally collapsed on the floor on my face blind with pain.
"You will learn to do better," she said as I closed my eyes and slid into darkness.
When I woke up the next morning I was still laying on the floor in Mistress AngelFox's chambers, but my hands and feet had been chained together, placing me in a fetal position.
I moved carefully, feeling the throbbing of my abused ass as the chains clanked together.
I still didn't understand the point of the exercise other than to give her the pleasure of my pain.
"I see you have finally awakened," I heard Mistress AngelFox say from behind me.
"Yes Mistress," I replied softly. "I'm sorry I passed out Mistress."
"It was not unexpected. You'll probably pass out a few more times before you learn what you need to learn here."
I shifted position again as I replied.
"Yes Mistress. I'll try not to."
"Is that pride I hear in your voice?" she demanded.
Was it pride? Or defiance?
"No Mistress," I replied.
She stepped into view and pulled my head back by the hair and slapped me with her free hand.
"Never lie to me student. I know how determined you are from how much you endured last night. You are a proud one. That pride is what you need to lose. It keeps you from learning what you need to learn," she snapped.
"And what is that?" I asked as the blood trickled from my mouth
"Submission. You may have had some training in the past, but you have forgotten it. You have become proud and arrogant and this will be corrected."
She released me and I fell back to the floor heavily, in pain from the wounds and my own shame.
She was right damn her. In that moment I hated her more than I hated even Lydia. It had been too long since any Mistress had exercised any kind of control over me after Minx released me.
I was nothing. My one point of pride in myself was destroyed by those few words.
I was a bad submissive.
I laid in my cell later that morning and thought about her words, those poisonous hateful words that had reduced me to nothing.
I wasn't a bad submissive I told myself. Out of practice maybe, but not a bad one.
Who was I trying to kid?
"You are expected to do your duties every day," my Teacher said from the doorway of the cell.
I rolled over to face her and then closed my eyes in shame.
"You will look at me when I speak to you," she said sharply.
"I can't Teacher. I'm sorry," I said softly.
"You will. Your shame is not an excuse to disobey me," she corrected.
I opened my eyes and looked at her.
"And what do you know of my shame Teacher? I have failed the one I serve and you with my own stupid pride. I thought I knew something and now I know I'm stupid. I hate myself for lying."
"Lying about what student?" she asked.
"Lying to myself and others. That I thought I knew anything about submission. I even wrote about it. What a joke," I replied closing my eyes again.
"But you do know about submission student. I have seen it in you. It is well hidden now as your world has changed and it would be unadvisable to show it. You are in a position now where you can not show weakness. I understand that. But this is not a place where you need to retain control," she said gently.
I opened my eyes again and looked at her.
"But I keep making mistakes. I can't seem to do anything right any more," I said choking back the sobs that welled up.
"And you will make mistakes. Children do. You are still considered a child here, despite your previous experience. That doesn't mean we love you any less."
"And do you love me? Can you love me?" I sobbed.
"Not perhaps in the way you mean it, but yes I can and do love you. If I did not, you would not be here. I will tell the garden Maharani you will not be working with her today. Tonight you will serve Mistress AngelFox again and tommorrow you will work."
She walked out leaving me to think about her words and regain control over my shattered spirits.
I knew that I was better than I felt at that moment. I knew I had pleased Minx and the Mother of Many with my actions. I knew I had done well in the past even if I hadn't exactly done things in the manner that Minx preferred. Did success excuse excess?
Did that very success destroy what I desired and believed in?
No, I hadn't changed. I still believed in Ay'esha and it's goals. Perhaps I had been distracted by my involvement with Susan and the search for Erato, but I still supported Ay'esha.
Was my search for Erato at the core of this? Looking for validation of who and what I was from outside instead of inside?
Perhaps it was. Perhaps I was being selfish. I was putting my needs ahead of the needs of the many.
I had read once that some things arrive in their own mysterious hour, on their own terms and not yours, to be seized or relinquished forever.
I closed my eyes and slept, being awakened by Alexi's hand on my shoulder shaking me.
"Time for evening meal, " he said as I sat up.
"Sorry. I didn't have a very good night" I said slowly getting to my feet.
"Nobody who enters Mistress AngelFox's chambers the first time has a good night," he said casually.
"How long have you been here?" I finally asked.
"Long enough to learn what I don't know," he said. "Come on."
I thought about Alexi's words as I ate that night. Long enough to learn what I don't know. What did I know? Not as much as I thought I did for sure.
When Mistress AngelFox appeared behind me I didn't hesitate to kneel before her, head bowed.
"I see you have decided to improve your manners tonight student," she commented.
I nodded, not wishing to make an error by speaking to her without direct permission.
"Get up and come with me," she directed.
I followed her back to her chambers and waited standing ,eyes closed as she directed. I tried to relax despite the distraction of the metalic sounds I could hear.
I felt a cold chill as something was clamped around my balls and tightened.
"Now student, we're going to have some fun you and I," Mistress AngelFox said.
"Yes Mistress AngelFox," I replied."I hope that I will prove amusing to you."
She laughed at that.
"Do you think you are capable of amusing me?"
"I don't know. But I will do my best to please you," I said quietly.
"Is that pride again I hear?" she demanded.
"Determination to be better Mistress AngelFox, not pride. I wish to learn what you are willing to teach me," I replied.
She didn't say anything at all and then I felt the sharp tug of a weight being hung from my balls than made me groan and start to sink down. At least until I felt the sharp blow of a paddle upon my ass forcing me upwards again.
"Are you learning anything?" she taunted.
"Yes Mistress AngelFox. I'm learning to stand up even when you hang weights on my balls," I said breathing carefully.
"Good. One lesson learned. I'll actually give you credit for two lessons at this point. Your admission of ignorance is another."
I felt another tug on my balls and struggled to stay upright despite the pain.
"Are you having fun student?" she asked.
"No Mistress AngelFox," I admitted with a gasp of pain.
"Three lessons. Honesty despite your fear of punishment."
I felt the paddle hard against my ass cheeks again making me grind my teeth in pain and then yet another weight, dropped sharply this time.
"Mercy, Mistress AngelFox," I moaned.
"What did you just say?" she shouted.
"Mercy Mistress AngelFox," I repeated.
"Open your eyes," she commanded.
I opened them to see a very small smile on her face and a knife in her hand.
"I can show you mercy. I can cut your balls off and you won't have to worry any more about the pain," she offered.
For a moment I started to panic and then considered what I had seen and experienced so far in my time there.
"I would prefer you didn't, please Mistress AngelFox," I said as calmly as I could watching her move the knife lower towards the taut skin of my scrotum, the weights drawing it tightly.
She pricked the skin with the point of the knife and I saw a trickle of blood flow from the wound onto the blade.
"I enjoy this student, very much. But I enjoy hearing a student whimper and beg even more. Beg for me student, tell me how much you want to keep your balls," she suggested.
"I do Mistress AngelFox, please. The one I serve may permit me to donate my seed someday to one who wishes a child," I stammered.
"I have heard many pleas from many students, but you surprise me with your arrogance. Why should you be permitted to breed at all?"
"Is it your practice to castrate? I'm at your mercy now. Do what you will," I said trusting to the Goddess that my gut feelings about the Temple were correct.
She withdrew the blade and released the weights from my now swollen loins.
The blood rushing into the dead areas reminded me of the time I had the cock ring on too long during my early training and I resisted the urge to scream.
"I wouldn't castrate you. It might upset someone. But never doubt that your place is on your knees before any woman who has the ability to see your submission."
"Yes Mistress AngelFox," I replied relieved by her words.
Her response to the sound of relief in my voice was to pick up the paddle and apply it sharply again to my ass.
"Do not take my mercy for anything other than that. I still don't have any use for you and by the time I'm finished, you will know that in your heart."
And probably several other places too, I thought.
She finally dismissed me with instructions to bathe and then to call upon my Teacher for some salve to treat the small piercing on my scrotum.
The hot water felt good and I found myself drifting off to sleep. I came fully awake at the sound of my Teacher's voice.
"Is the water hot enough to suit you student?" I heard her ask.
I opened my eyes for just a fraction of a second and quickly turned away upon seeing she was naked.
In that brief moment I saw her firm breasts and long dark hair draped over her nipples, providing a small bit of modesty that was both erotic and enticing.
"The water is very pleasent Teacher. If you will wait just a moment or two I will leave you to enjoy it. Mistress AngelFox does want me to have a small wound treated by you later, if you would," I replied trying to avoid looking at her
"If you are willing to keep your eyes shut or averted, I will join you in the tub and you may be permitted to bathe me," she replied generously with a smile in her voice.
"Thank you, that would be a true honor," I replied modestly.
"Then come out and do your duty student. You have been working on the men, and now perhaps it is time you work on a woman."
She sat down on the small wooden stool in the bathhouse facing away from me as I climbed out of the tub and gathered the materials I needed to properly bathe her.
I drew the water from the spigot into a wooden bucket and careful to avoid looking squatted behind her with a loofa andstarted scrubbing her back for her after moving her long dark hair out of the way. The rough sponge made little red patterns across her skin and I heard her draw in a breath as I poured a dipper of hot water across the newly scrubbed skin.
"I'm sorry Mistress, I mean Teacher," I said quickly.
"It's fine student. I'd like you to use a pumice stone on my feet as well before I soak in the tub," she comforted.
I finished her back and then drew her hair back exposing the slope of her breasts.
Looking at the ceiling I moved in front of her and poured water across her chest after fixing my gaze carefully upon her delicate face.
Keeping my attention upon her face while I used the loofa on her firm breasts was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I felt the change in her skin texture as I ran the sponge across her nipples and distracted, let the loofa slip from my hand and fall between her legs.
I reached for it without thinking and found my wrist clamped in a grasp of steel.
"I will get that for you student. Do not presume to touch me in certain places," she said quietly and firmly, her face a mask of reproach.
"My apologies, there's a polar bear in our car," I replied without thinking.
She released the hand and started giggling, her stern demeanor melting into a look of child like delight at the non sequitor as she picked up the sponge.
"There's a polar bear in your car?" she repeated.
"Old joke Teacher. I'm sorry," I said taking the offered sponge from her hand.
"That is the first time since you've been here that I've seen you show your sense of humor," she said turning away from me as I resumed my tasks.
"I actually do have one Teacher, although it's a bit odd to most people. It's just as of late I heven't felt very amused about anything. Angered, frightened, comforted, impressed, curious and hurt. But not amused," I explained.
"And now you feel amused. Interesting."
"Teacher, with you I feel like I can be amused. I feel like everyone else is so deadly serious about things. I don't see as much joy as I'd expect to see in a place like this."
She turned back to face me and frowned.
"Is that what you see here?"
I hesitated before answering, knowing I was on very thin ice.
"Yes Teacher. The only person I've seen here that takes a positive joy in every day is Alexi. He's been a good friend to me."
"Alexi is my own pet and yes, he takes joy and pride in serving me. Some of the other Marahani discourage expressions of joy, but I don't," she explained as I poured water over her to rinse off the soap.
She directed me to turn away and slid into the hot tub and motioned for me to join her.
"And you. Do you want to show your joy or hide it?" she continued.
"If I was yours, I would be happy almost all the time. But as I have no Marahani and the one I serve is very far away and I may never see her again, I don't have much to show joy about. I may be alive, but I'm not sure I'm living."
"Flattery will not avail you," she laughed."And things may not be as black as you see them."
"Things are seldom what they seem; skim milk masquerades as cream," I sang softly.
"Sing that again, but louder," she commanded sharply.
I repeated the song and then looked at her puzzled.
"You sing." she repeated.
"Well yes Teacher. Not well at times, but I do sing on occasion. Just little songs I've learned over the years. Odd tunes, demented music, if you've ever heard the term," I explained.
"I have, but not in many years. You do have a few hidden talents," she mused.
"Thank You Teacher. I'm pleased to know you think so," I said closing my eyes and leaning back in the hot water.
There was a long silence, broken only by the sound of the water lapping in the tub and her regular breathing, a silence finally broken by a startling question.
"If you could leave here, would you?" she asked softly.
I opened my eyes and looked at her with an expression of skepticism.
"To paraphrase another song " Is dis woman's land so good? Vould you leave it if you could? Ya dis woman's land is good, I would leave it if I could," I replied " I don't wish to sound ungrateful, but my place is with my Mistress and her people. "
"You have mentioned the One you serve. Is that who you are referring to?" My Teacher confirmed.
"I serve a Mistress and others. Now is as good a time to tell you more about who I am and how I came to be here."
Time passed as my Teacher listened to her student, and I could see the faint light of the sun washing color over the skylight above us as I finished the tale of the search for the Goddess.
"So now you know who I serve and why I feel I must return, but also have a need to protect the secret of your existance as well," I concluded with a wry grin.
My Teacher nodded in agreement and directed me to turn away so she could leave the tub and get dressed.
"You will not speak of this to others. I need to consider what you have told me and perhaps discuss it with the other Maharani," she ordered and then permitted me to turn towards her again.
"Yes Teacher. I'm sorry I kept you up all night with the stories, but I wanted you to know everything. I'm at heart an honest man and hiding my service to Ay'esha from you started seeming more and more foolish as time went on. I tell the tale to the world and it's not believed anyway, so why not tell you?"
She laughed.
"Your Mother of Many must have read Edgar Allen Poe a few times," she replied.
"I always considered it one of the better ways to lie. Tell the truth in a way that nobody believes. At least that way you can sleep with a clear conscience knowing that you didn't lie," I admitted.
"I want you to get some sleep. When you wake up, make sure you go to the garden Maharani and resume your normal work. One day off is enough for you."
Before I could say anything, she had left the room and I crawled out wrinkled by my long bath. I quickly dressed and returned to my cell wondering if I had done the right thing by telling her.
When I awoke it was well after noon and I hurried to the garden Maharani and knelt before her head down.
"You won't get much work done there student. I want you to work on the walls of the garden today. Pull all of the dead vines off the rocks," she said.
"Yes Maharani," I replied and grabbing a set of clippers and a basket, I set out for the rock walls that encircled the garden.
I clipped all the dead vines I could reach and gathered them into the basket and started to carry them to the compost pile when I was stopped by the garden Maharani.
"I want all of the vines removed," she instructed pointing to the vines out of my reach.
"I will need a long set of clippers on a pole for that part," I explained.
"Nonsense," she replied handing me a set of gloves." Climb up there and cut them."
I looked at the rock wall and then back at her before accepting the gloves.
"Yes Maharani. I just hope somebody catches me when I fall," I replied and started looking for hand and toe holds in the rocks.
I didn't have to look very hard as I wasn't the first one who had been assigned the job. There were a few hand and foot holds already carved into the rock, but staying balanced on them with my bad leg was difficult and more than once I was sure I was going to fall.
I only made the mistake of looking down once and that was one time too many.
I may have been called a jackass a few times in my life but I was nowhere as sure footed.
The long tropical twilight was an asset as I cleared the creepers from the rock slowly and carefully, trying not to miss any, sure I would wind up having to climb up here again if I did.
I soon found myself at the top of the cliff and crawled slowly onto the ledge and looked back.
There wasn't anybody below watching me at all. I was free. I looked around me carefully to see if there was anybody hiding in the woods to stop me and then started my way back towards the trail I had followed into the valley to begin with. I was sure I could retrace my steps and get back to civilization.
I had gone about halfway back to the trailhead when I heard a noise in the trees and froze, listening for the source of the sound.
"Were you leaving us?" Mistress AngelFox said stepping out into the open.
"It's much easier to take the trail back down than climbing rocks Mistress AngelFox," I commented.
"That is not an answer to my question. Were you planning on escaping?" she replied.
"I thought about it. But without at least a knife, I don't think I'd care to try it anyway."
She reached into her robe and pulled a knife from it and threw it into the ground before me.
"There is your knife. Start walking."
I pulled it from the ground and wiped it clean before presenting it to her handle first.
"I think you dropped this," I said calmly and walked away toward the trailhead leaving her behind.
The evening meal was a bit tense as the word of my insolence and implied escape spread through the group. The only person who didn't seem surprised was Alexi and he acted as he always did towards me.
"Are you sure you even want to be seen with me," I asked quietly." After all I'm like Lord Byron."
"Mad, bad and dangerous to know. You could have escaped and you didn't. That's all that counts to me. But I am curious. Why didn't you?" he asked
I shook my head.
"The fact that Mistress AngelFox was there waiting for me tells me it was a set up to test my loyality. Why should I leave anyway?" I replied
"I got the impresion that you didn't like it here. I know you weren't given a choice about staying."
"I was given a choice. Live out the rest of my life in a gilded cage or die. That's a John Drake kind of choice if you ask me."
"John Drake?" Alexi asked with a raised eyebrow.
"The Prisoner. Old TV show. Never mind, it was probably before your time anyway," I said with a grin.
Our conversation was interupted by the arrival of my Teacher who ordered me to come with her.
"Decisions must be made and your presence is required," my Teacher said.
My Teacher led me back to the Temple where I had first seen her and indicated I should kneel before the altar. She left me there and I heard the heavy door shut behind me.
"You are the one who discovered our presence, the one who serves a group known as Ay'esha?" an unfamiliar womans voice said from the shadows.
"I am," I replied respectfully.
"And you tell the world of their existance in your writings?"
"I do. Those who believe the tales find their way to us and others dismiss them as fantasy."
"And would you also tell the world of our existance?" the voice continued.
"I would tell those I serve and let them decide," I answered.
"Even if we did not wish it?" she persisted.
"It is my duty to report. I told my Teacher many things last night, including of those who would destroy Ay'esha and the world if permitted to have their way," I continued.
"She has told us of these things and of your tales. These things do not concern us. We are at peace here," I was told.
"You have killed to protect the secret of your existance. Ay'esha has never killed for that reason."
"We have. Ay'esha may be superior to us in this one way, but that is not enough reason to allow you to leave. You have been told that no man who comes here, leaves here. This has been the tradition for many years and it has served us well."
"This is your last word on the subject?" I persisted.
"It is."
I stood up and bowed in the direction the voice had come from and started to leave when I was ordered to stop.
"You did not lie to us of you intention to speak of our existance if you left us," the voice said.
I turned back to face the altar and stared for a moment at the candles burning before the stature of the Goddess before speaking.
"I will not lie to you. I would tell them of you and what I've learned."
"And you would tell them where to find us?"
I couldn't help it. I laughed.
"I'd love to, but I have no idea where here is. I literally fell down a hill like Alice into the rabbit hole and wandered my way to the garden. By Oshun, I'd be damned if I could find this place again, " I sputtered.
"Return to the altar and kneel," I was directed.
I returned to my place and knelt again.
A moment late a tall black woman emerged from the shadows dressed in a white robe and stood before me with an amused expression on her face.
"And what do you know of Oshun?" she asked lightly.
I looked into her eyes for a moment and then looked down at the floor in respect.
"She is the Goddess I serve. She is the one who taught me that I have the spirit of Ogun in me or so I have been told," I explained.
"And you believe this to be true," she said as a statement of fact.
"I was given an orisha for safekeeping by a priestess of Oshun to protect it from those who would misuse it. It is with the woman I serve as a symbol of the love I have for her and the Goddess. Look into my soul Maharani, and you will see the truth for yourself," I offered.
She raised my head and stared into my eyes for a long moment and touched my head with her long dark fingers as had Mama Tisha long ago.
I felt the warmth as the Maharani examined me, her green eyes looking deep into mine for any sign of falsehood or deception.
She released me and stepped back.
"It is as you say," she said.
"My fate is in your hands now," I said holding my palms outstreached. "You have your tradition, but you have me as well. If you will not release me, at least give me permission to send one last message to my Mistress. A small exception to the tradition?"
"Go now and return to your cell. We will consider your request."
I pressed my head to the floor before her and then rose and backed away from her until I reached the door which swung open behind me.
I looked at the moon and stars above me and thanked the Goddess for that turn of my mind that had made me swear by Her at that moment. Perhaps there was still hope yet that I might reach home or at least comfort the ones I left behind me.