The Diaries of Ayesha

"Michael, I understand what you've been through. We gave you up for dead when you disappeared but I have to know. Where were you?" Minx asked softly as we walked away from the arrival gate at the airport.

I reached into the pocket of my battered bush jacket and handed her the film I had secreted away from prying eyes and fingers

"I want you to have this film processed. After you look at the pictures, I'll tell you the story," I replied.

She took it from me and drove me back to my house and left me there with my thoughts.

She returned to my house some time later and handed me a set of photographs of jungle growth, waterfalls and then a wonderful garden and a stone statue of a beautiful young girl surrounded by flowers.

"Where did you take these Michael?" she asked as I looked through them.

"Did you ever see the movie Lost Horizon?" I asked my mind wandering back at the sight of the gardens again.

"Shangri La? Yes, but what does that have to do with these."

I looked into her eyes and smiled.

"I found it Mistress. I found peace for the first time in a long time there and I didn't want to leave. But I did. For you Mistress."

"I don't understand," she said as I laid back on the couch again.

"You will," I said and closing my eyes, started to tell her the tale.

"I'd been just kind of wandering around after my dealings with Erato's sister in Australia and the chance came up to visit Thailand. I'd always heard that the scenery was beautiful and having seen some of it in movies, I decided to take advantage of the offer to visit. While I was in Bangkok I was told of a small island off the coast that had a large number of waterfalls and quiet beaches and decided to take a look at it.

"It was everything I'd been told and more. I was about the only person there and while I enjoyed it, I was still a bit lonely. I kept thinking of you Mistress and wishing you were with me to share it."

"After a couple of days, I'd decided to a little hiking inland to see what there was to see. The hotel owner suggested that I not go and advised me that some people went into the jungle and didn't come back out."

"There are snakes back there and other things that can kill a man. If you're determined to go , stay on the trails and don't wander off ," he cautioned.

I opened my eyes and looked at Minx who sat watching me quietly.

"If I'd have listened to him I might not have been lost, but I had to see for myself. You know me, always pushing the limits. In this case I pushed them far enough where I was deep inside the jungle after darkness fell. I had my pack with me and built a fire more to keep myself from being scared, than for warmth.

"I could hear every little noise, every drip of water, every rustle of a tree in that blackness. I couldn't see the stars because of the night fog. I reminded myself I'd been in worse spots and that I wasn't really that far from town. All I had to do was keep my head and in the morning I'd be able to walk back.

"That was the plan anyway, but it was spoiled by the snarl of some kind of jungle cat in the night and then the appearance of a pair of glowing yellow eyes, reflecting the firelight. After a moment the eyes disappeared, but the idea of sleeping was off the schedule at that point, let me tell you. I stayed awake watching and listening and as soon as it became light enough to see at all I put the fire out and started back towards town. At least I thought I was going the right direction."

"You got lost," Minx said sharply.

"And how," I agreed. "I hit the wrong fork in the trail in the fog and kept going until the ground went out from under me and I slid down a hill and landed in a stream. I thought I'd broken my leg again I hurt so bad but managed to crawl out onto the bank and laid there for awhile.

"The sun finally broke through the mists and I saw there was no way I'd be able to get back up that hill again so I decided to follow the stream bank. I figured I'd hit the coastline, and then make my way back to the village that way. I still had what I thought was a good idea which way to go when I got to the beach.

"But I didn't reach the beach. Instead I came to a clearing at the head of a waterfall and looked down on the garden. I took pictures of it because I didn't think anybody would believe me. In the middle of a jungle a formal garden, I mean that's going a bit even for me."

Minx nodded and indicated I should continue.

"I found a trail that went down into the garden and followed a path towards a stone temple. I didn't see anyone or any sign of life. Just the well cared for gardens and the sound of the waterfall.

"I suppose I should have been more careful, but somehow I knew I wasn't in any kind of danger. It just seemed right for me to be there, as if the place had been prepared for me personally. I know that sounds silly, but I just felt I belonged there.

"The temple must have been a thousand years old, the stones were covered in that kind of moss than only comes with age, but the wooden door was polished and new and opened easily when I pulled on the iron ring set into the wood.

"I peeked inside and saw an altar with the statue of a woman set on it and candles burning everywhere that lit the room brightly. There was someone in a robe kneeling before the altar and I hesitated before entering the room."

"You may kneel here beside me if you choose," the figure called out in a soft gentle voice. "When I have finished we will speak."

"I didn't quite know what to do at that point, but when in Rome...."

I set the pack down and removed my muddy boots and then joined the figure that sat gazing quietly at the statue. I didn't think about it, but when I knelt, I did so as I would before a Mistress, palms upturned and head down.

I wasn't in a hurry for some reason even though I knew people would be wondering what happened to me. It didn't seem important at all.

I might have been kneeling for an hour or longer when the figure stood up and touched my arm.

She was dark haired and fine featured, her eyes showing a slightly Asian shape, her bearing and presence that of a queen.

"Come with me and I will treat your wounds," she said and walked towards the door.

I followed her out of the temple, leaving my pack and boots behind and she led me down a stone corridor and into a small chamber with a stone table and a number of small baskets set on a shelf.

"Take your clothing off," she said and I found myself obeying without question, just from the tone in her voice.

Had I found the Amazons of myth in my wanderings or was I hearing something in her voice that I needed to hear.

She rubbed a salve into my cuts after washing them with a liquid that made the wounds sting at first and then gently tingled.

"In a short time you will find the wounds healed," she said wiping her hands on the hem of her robe.

"Thank you. Where am I by the way?" I asked.

"All of your questions will be answered but not now. I will fetch a robe and sandals for you. Please stay here."

"I'd like to go with you," I replied.

Again there was that hint of command in her reply to me.

"You will please stay here until I return for you."

"Yes Mistress," I replied from habit.

She cocked her head to one side like a curious bird and the smile returned

"We have much in common."

She left the room carrying my clothes with her in a basket.

I waited for her to return and considered what I had seen so far.

A temple, a garden and a single woman.

Perhaps I'd found Eden instead of the home of the Amazons.

She returned with a robe of bright saffron color and a pair of sandals that fit my feet perfectly.

"I will escort you to your room," she said indicating I should follow her.

I followed her and as we walked we passed other men and women, each dressed in various colored robes, the women ignoring us and the men inclining their heads to my escort in respect.

"Interesting place," I ventured. "Do you have many outside visitors?"

"A few," my guide replied.

"And how long do they stay here usually?" I asked.

"Until they leave."

"Boy are you full of priceless nuggets of data," I thought. "Still, I don't see any reason to make a problem."

The room she escorted me to resembled a monk's cell from medieval times, with the exception of a bit of mosquito netting over the crude bed.

"You may stay here," she said. "When it is time for the evening meal I will come for you."

"Thank you, but I'd really like some help in getting back to town if you don't mind," I said politely.

"We will discuss that after the evening meal," she replied.

"You know, people are going to be looking for me," I reminded her.

"Perhaps," was all she said and left.

I looked out of the doorway and saw her walk out the door at the far end of the hallway. Across the hall from me was another cell with a younger man in a red robe sitting at the table reading an old book.

"Hi, " I said walking to his doorway, "What are you reading?"

He looked up at me and put a finger on his lips for silence then indicated I should return to my own cell.

"Nice talking to you," I commented and returned to my cell and laid down on the bed to wait for some kind of explanation.

As I laid there I found myself toying with my medallion that the Mother of Many had given me and wondered what Minx was doing halfway around the world. I still didn't feel inclined to disobey or make a disturbance, but I still wanted some kind of answers.

From outside I heard voices chanting and looked out the small window to see a man with long metal rods piercing him in the way that some of the Philippine tribesmen pierce themselves, dancing before a group of women who watched and chanted.

I stared with disbelief at a ritual of pain I had only seen on video before. I expected to see blood everywhere, but there was none to be seen. I knew how much mental control I had over things, but seeing something that extreme caused me to turn away with a shudder to discover my guide watching me from the doorway.

"This act disturbs you?" she asked.

"Yes, in some ways," I answered flatly.

"He is showing his willingness to suffer pain for the love of his Maharani," she explained." Perhaps you do not understand."

"I may understand better than you think," I replied thinking of my training.

She almost smiled at that comment.

"I suspect you may. You understand the basic idea from the way you act towards me and the tone in your voice."

"I have worshipped Oshun and there is one whom I serve. To her I have offered my pain and been blessed by her love," I said softly thinking of Minx.

"Tell me more of your training," my guide asked sitting down on the bed.

"I cannot. I have been permitted to speak of some things as long as they were well disguised, but to you I owe truth for your treatment of me and that I can not give without breaking my oath to her and She Who Must Be Obeyed."

My guide nodded in agreement.

"I understand. But perhaps when you learn more of us, you will speak without fear. What you say to me and the other Maharani will not be discussed away from this world we have created."

"And when I return to my world, I shall not speak of yours," I replied.

The expression on my unnamed guide's face changed to one of dismay and then just as quickly returned to her normal expression.

"I will take you to the dining hall and after eating we will speak more."

The dining hall was reasonably crowded with people dressed in various colored robes, mine being the only one in saffron. The quiet chatter fell away to silence as I was escorted to a table away from the rest of the group.

"Excuse me," I said in a near whisper," but what are they all staring at?"

"We do not have visitors very often as I told you. All of the other people in this room live and serve here."

I didn't comment, but accepted the bowl of rice and meat I was offered and ate silently, matching my movements with those of people around me.

When I had finished my guide led me back into the gardens and then indicated I should sit. I did as I was told and sat there in the warm tropical night air and waited for her to speak to me.

"You asked me what this place is when you arrived this morning. People come to learn about their pain. The pain of the flesh and the mind and the soul. Limits are expanded and tested in this place. You saw one servant testing his own limits and there are others as well. Those who come here stay and learn secrets that the world may never know.

"They stay out of love for their Maharani, their Mistresses if you will."

I just stared at the stars overhead and the moon starting to rise, listening to her words.

"You have indicated that you also serve a Mistress as well. You would be welcome to stay with us and learn more."

I looked at her in the light of the moon and saw reflected in her eyes a trace of tears.

"I can't stay Mi'lady. The one I serve has need of me in the larger world out there," I said sweeping my hand across the sky.

"Would you find being in my service so terrible?" she countered.

I considered her words and the tears carefully before answering.

"Do I have a choice?" I asked quietly.

"You do. Life or death."

"Then I accept," I said kneeling before her, head bowed.

She stroked my head softly.

"Then come with me and learn what you do not know and teach us what we do not know."

I slept in my cell that night haunted by uneasy dreams.

"You have always been truthful Michael," Minx said in my dream," but you've changed. You've betrayed my trust."

"You took an oath to serve Ay'esha, Michael. And you turn away from us now," The Mother of Many scolded.

"I will teach you things you do not know," my guide said, "and we will learn from you."

"You are a fool. It is your false sense of duty that will be your destruction," Lydia taunted.

I awoke with a start at her remembered words and then laid back down.

Where did my duty lay in this case?

Ay'esha could benefit from alliance with these people if I could convince them to let me return to the outside world.

But what could I offer them in return?

I rolled off the hard bed and walked out of the door and down the hallways into the gardens. In the pale moonlight I was entranced even more by the beauty of the gardens and found myself following a path that led me to the statue of the young girl I had photographed earlier that day.

She seemed pleased that I had come to see her, if a face carved from stone can have an expression a person can read.

"So," I said softly to the stone figure, "I'll ask you the question. I could leave right now so why don't I? There isn't anyone to stop me."

I knelt on the soft grass, palms open and upturned, looking at the figure and then closed my eyes and tried to clear my head of everything.

"If I did what would happen to man's search for knowledge," floated back on the tides of my mind. "To seek out new life, new civilizations, to boldly go..."

"And what good would it do to learn these things and not be able to teach others." I said aloud to myself.

"And is there some fault in learning for your own benefit rather than for the benefit of others? To learn for the sheer joy of learning something others do not know?" my guide's voice replied from behind me.

I controlled my urge to jump and turned towards her voice before opening my eyes.

"There is nothing wrong in it Mi'lady, just not enough right in it. If I stay I will be betraying my oath, but I don't want to die to keep it. Perhaps I'm a coward," I said.

She laughed softly.

"Is preserving your life an act of cowardice? You would die for the one you serve," she said as a statement of fact.

"I would and nearly have," I admitted.

"And would the one you serve have you die needlessly?" she pressed.

"She might not define this as needlessly," I countered.

"I think she would. I will not ask you to betray your secrets or tell us anything that you do not wish to tell us. I will ask only that you not betray ours either."

"As it seems unlikely I'll be leaving, at least in any condition to talk, I doubt that will be a problem," I replied with a touch of sarcasm.

"You mustn't think we're complete blackguards, because we're really not. Now, let me walk you back to your cell," she said touching my arm.

"I'd rather go back to yours," I said standing up.

She slipped her arm into mine.

"Very well."

She had a real room with a door on it rather than a cell, furnished very simply, almost Japanese in style with a low table, cushions on the floor and a sleeping mat.

"Would you like tea?" she asked me indicating I should sit down.

"Yes please Mistress."

She shook her head in dismissal.

"I am not your Mistress as you say or your Maharani as we say. Until you have shown more of your abilities, you may not refer to me as anything other than Teacher.

"Yes Teacher," I agreed. "And have you had enough time to read my papers and know who I am?"

"Yes. And your name is of little importance here. You are only a student and will be called that."

Well it was a bit better than M-5. Or Grasshopper for that matter.

She poured a cup of tea for herself first, then served me and sat down.

"This isn't exactly new to you is it?" she asked as I sipped my tea.

"Being a prisoner or sipping tea?" I asked mildly.

She frowned.

"I have some understanding of your attitude, but others will not. I suggest your keep your sense of humor under control," she rebuked. "I expect an honest answer to my questions."

"Yes Teacher. I was trained at one time in a place not unlike this. The training however was somewhat more practical in nature as I was very inexperienced."

"And is that where you met your Mistress?"

I smiled at the memory of that wet night.

"No, Teacher. I met her as a thief in the night who stole my heart and then my whole body. She thought I would be useful to her and others of her belief."

"And what does she believe?"

I looked her in the eye and spoke without hesitation.

"She believes in the need to protect others from harm, to stop hate and violence, to use love to control the animal passions of man. To punish when needed and reward when earned."

My Teacher nodded in agreement.

"She is a wise woman."

"She is not alone Teacher. There are others as well. It is those others I serve. They would find your Maharani of great interest," I suggested.

She sipped her tea reflectively.

"And you would tell them of us if you left here," she suggested.

"I will not lie to you. I would tell the one I serve all, and trust to her judgment," I replied.

She set the cup down in the center of the table and leaned back.

"It is well that you are not leaving then. Finish your tea and I'll walk you back to your cell," she said.

I finished the tea and stood up.

"I believe I can find my way back Teacher. Thank you for the tea," I said and walked towards the door.

She made no move to stop me as I opened it and discovered two other Maharani waiting outside.

"Good night student," she said as the two women flanked me and walked me towards my cell.

It was a short rest for me as a loud gong sounded what seemed like a few minutes after I dropped back off to sleep jarring me to my feet.

My friend of the day before rolled off his cot and stood stretching as if he didn't have a care in the world and then gave me with a somewhat warmer look than the day before.

He walked out of his cell and motioned me to follow him.

I did and was lead first to a small bathroom when I washed my face and then he led me to the dining hall again where I found my Teacher waiting for me.

"Good morning student," she said and then turned her attention to my escort.

"Thank you for assisting the new student. You may speak for the rest of the day as a reward."

"Thank you Maharani, " my friend said carefully before bowing and leaving me with her.

"I was beginning to think there was a rule of silence around here," I said as I picked up a bowl of rice and another of tea from the long counter.

"As you are a new student, the others will not speak to you without direct permission from their Maharani," she explained. "Today I'm going to introduce you to the Maharani who supervises the care of the grounds. She will teach you how to care for the garden properly."

"Teacher, I should warn you I'm so bad with plants I can kill silk roses. I'm a herbicidal maniac."

She looked at me coolly

"You will improve your talents then," was all she said.

The Maharani who supervised the grounds was no more or less impressed by my purported lack of ability.

"You will learn to care for the plants properly. They need your attention as much as you need the attentions of a Maharani," she said firmly after my teacher introduced me and explained my concerns.

She was an elderly woman who wouldn't have looked out of place at a bingo parlor

"Yes Ma'am," I replied bowing my head in respect

She tapped my face softly with her gnarled old hand.

"Yes Maharani or yes Teacher is correct," she corrected.

"Yes Maharani," I corrected myself.

She looked at my teacher and dismissed her with a wave.

I was set to work picking up the fallen leaves that littered the flower beds, but not with a rake or any tools, with my bare hands.

"You must feel the earth to understand the plants. You must learn Her secrets and listen to what She has to say," the Maharani said as I worked my way through one of the flower beds.

"Yes Maharani," I said more from habit than respect. Part of me resented the trivial work of the leaf picking but another part of me understood and enjoyed it.

I concentrated on my work ignoring everything around me and before I knew it I had lost all track of time and gathered a full basket of leaves. I looked at the dirt on my hands and smelled the soil and sighed. Not a sigh of displeasure but of accomplishment

Perhaps my Teacher had been right. This was actually rather nice.

A shadow fell over me and blocked the sun and I looked up to see the Maharani looking down at me with a pleased expression.

"You've done very well at this task. Take the basket to the side of the building and dump it on the compost pile then continue with another bed. You may work any place you like in the gardens as long as you continue to work diligently," she instructed.

"Thank you Maharani," I replied and got to my feet stiffly and carried the basket to the spot she had indicated and dumped it with the other piles some of the other men were building as well.

I spent most of my day doing that until my Teacher can to where I was working and stopped me.

"It is time for you to bathe properly before going to your next class," she said and beckoned me to follow her towards a small stone and marble structure set away from the rest of the buildings on the Temple grounds.

It was an Japanese style bath, the water in the tub steaming slightly as I looked at it. A man dressed in a light blue robe bowed to my Teacher and reached for my robe.

"Hold it, I can do this myself," I said blocking him.

"Student, you will permit him to do his job," my Teacher said sharply.

My protest died unspoken and I lowered my hands as the man removed my robe and poured a bucket of water over me and then set about scrubbing me with a loofa making me feel like a chalkboard being erased.

He finished his work and poured a bucket of water over me to rinse the dead skin off then indicated the hot tub.

"Perhaps you should not use the tub my student. The water is very hot," my Teacher cautioned.

"If the others can do it, so can I," I swore and slipped into the tub.

"Oh SHIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!" I yelped as the water closed in around me making me feel like I was scalded.

"Too hot student?" my Teacher said mockingly.

"Oh no Teacher," I said through gritted teeth. "I always wanted to know how a lobster felt."

She smiled and left the room leaving me to parboil watched over by the man in the blue robe.

When he felt I had cooked enough he motioned me to get out of the tub and led me into a small room with a table where he indicated I should lay face down.

I laid down and closed my eyes.

A few minutes later I felt soft hands massaging my back and legs. If he was doing the work he had the softest hands of any man I'd ever felt. I started to rise and was pushed back down firmly.

"You will rise when I permit it," a woman's voice said softly.

I laid there, enjoying her touch on my body. I had not been touched that way since Mei Ling had made love to me.

I felt my body turn to jelly from her attentions and started to fall asleep only to be jerked away by her command to roll onto my back.

I found myself facing a young Asian girl.

She continued to touch me gently but firmly and I relaxed again.

"This is your lesson Student," she said. "Your Teacher wants you to experience these feelings so that you can learn how to perform a massage like this."

I sighed and wiggled under her touch like a happy puppy, pleasured but not aroused by her attention. I hoped I could provide feelings like this for my Teacher.

She stopped touching me with her hands and then I felt a tingling sensation on my body, like static electricity, crawling up me. The feeling reached my belly and I felt something twinge and gasped in surprise. I felt cold and empty for a moment and then the twinge again warming me.

"You will learn where the chakras are in the body and how to use their power to give pleasure or to defend your Maharani," I heard her say gently.

I thought about her words and remembered the teachings of Mei Ling about the power of the body and mind, the same power I had learned to use to firewalk. That power that let me hear Minx in New Orleans without her speaking. I had learned some of those skills when I was younger studying Kendo.

Perhaps it was time to learn again.

"Yes Maharani," I muttered.

That night I ate alone without my Teacher present and returned to my cell unescorted where I sat thinking about the changes in the past two days.

Perhaps this is where I needed to be. Perhaps I needed to stop chasing Muses and rainbows and settle down to a life of quiet contemplation and simple work.

"What about Kali?" my conscience nagged. "You have a duty to Ay'esha."

"And what about my own rights? Don't I deserve a rest?" I argued back.

There was no answer from the little critic and I dropped off to sleep quickly.

I spent the next few days doing the same tasks, tending the gardens in the morning and was promoted to giving massages to the other men during the afternoon.

Evenings I spent with my Teacher learning about the Temple or sitting in the night air gazing at the stars and listening to the waterfall.

"Teacher, I'm still trying to understand why I'm here," I said one night as we walked in the garden. "I'm enjoying myself, but I don't understand why I can't return to my people. I haven't seen or heard anything that startling."

She stopped and looked into my eyes.

"Are you afraid of me?" she asked.

"No," I laughed sharply and then stopped. "No, I'm not afraid of you. I'm your captive, but I'm not afraid of you."

" Why not?"

"There isn't any reason to be. You haven't made me do anything or harmed me in any way. You've made me very comfortable all things considered."

"And that is why you can not leave here. You do not fear. Search your feelings. Do you fear anything?"

I thought about the things that should frighten me and failed to react.

"No, I don't. I'm not even concerned about my Mistress or my duty to her," I said thoughtfully.

"You are as a small child now. you have your small tasks, but no responsibilities. No tensions. All you are concerned about is pleasing me with your efforts."

She was right. Nothing except her loving approval mattered to me. Her approval, not Minx's.

Part of me wanted to cry out. I had been stripped of my adulthood, reduced to a child again.

"You don't need to have your fear with us. You may be a child as long as you need to be and someday you will grow up again. But not soon," she said holding me to her.

I wept holding her, feeling defeated and tired by my resistance to her.

"You will learn," she whispered.

Chapter 26 Section 1 to 3

Lost Horizon
Erehwon
Nowhere Man