The Diaries of Ayesha

"He’s a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody."

That’s how I felt as I waited for the Maharani to decide if I could at least send a message to Minx assuring her I was alive and well, just not able to return to her side.

I did my tasks as I was assigned to do, although I wasn’t assigned to pull vines from the sides of the cliff any more. I’ve never been quite sure if it was the escape risk or if I’d just done a lousy job of it.

In any case, I did my gardening, gave massages and tried to focus on controlling what I could control in my life despite the urge to scream.

My Teacher could sense my dilemma but left me to work it out on my own.

Mistress AngelFox however made my "escape" a central part of her verbal abuse as she put me through my paces.

"You should have just killed me with the knife and run. You might have avoided this," she said as she used the tawse across my battered ass.

"And why would I want to do that?" I groaned through the pain. "I’m learning a lot."

"And what are you learning student?" she mocked.

"That you really get off on doing this to me. What I haven’t learned yet is if it’s just me, or slaves in general you dislike."

The response to that was an even harder stroke that caused me to bite my lip to keep from screaming.

"Someday perhaps you’ll learn the difference," she said throwing the tawse aside. "And someday you’ll learn to mind what you say."

"Yes Mistress AngelFox," I replied with a gasp.

I didn’t want to correct her, but I haven’t learned yet and I doubted that even her tender treatment would curb my propensity for shooting my mouth off.

She unbound my hands and ordered me out of the room, throwing my robe after me into the corridor.

I picked it up and dressed, ignoring the amused looks of the other people in the passageway and then followed my ritual of getting a cup of chai before going to work for the garden Maharani.

The kitchen Maharani was a stout older woman with a genuine fondness for wayward children like me. Not that she encouraged my rebellion, she was very strict, but took amusement from my attitude about some things.

"And you have come again student to beg for my indulgence?" she said shaking her head in mock disapproval.

"Yes Maharani. My unworthy self needs the sustenance that only chai can provide for my work in garden," I said kneeling before her.

"You should be able to live off your fat like any other bear," she replied, "but I have a soft spot for animals."

"Woof?"

She handed me a cup and invited me to sit in the back of kitchen with her for a short time.

"Thank you," I said and followed her.

She indicated I could sit on a small stool while she sat in a chair and then asked me how I was adjusting to being in the Temple.

"It’s been hard since I didn’t exactly choose to be here, but my Teacher and a few others have worked very hard to make me feel comfortable. And I do like doing what I’ve been doing. I never thought I’d enjoy working in a garden, but now I find it very soothing," I said sipping my drink.

"But you have a restless nature and would like to leave," she summarized.

"I guess it’s not a secret that my heart isn’t here. But I’ll make do. I’ve been in worse places in my life," I admitted.

"I spent many years outside myself and I too think about leaving here. But then I think of what I’ve gained and what I’d lose by leaving it’s no choice for me," she comforted.

"Perhaps, but still …"

She nodded and refilled my empty cup.

"And what would you do? Go back to your old life?" she asked.

"My old life wasn’t exactly a calm and ordered one nor was it terribly exciting at times. But it was mine and I did my job as well as I could. If I’d stuck to my job, I might not have wound up here, but I started off on a quest and when you do that, well things happen you don’t expect."

"I’m sure that Gulliver felt the same way," she agreed.

"Well I think of myself more as Don Quixote," I replied and drained the cup. "It’s time for me to resume my duties Maharani. Thank you for the chat and the chai."

"May I give you a piece of advice student?" she said accepting the empty cup.

"Please."

"Practice patience. It will serve you well here."

"Patience is a virtue, practice it if you can. It’s seldom in a woman and never in a man," I said bowing.

The garden Maharani gave me a new a different task to deal with that morning.

"I want you to clear the pond of the dead water lilies today. You’ll need to wade into the pond, so you’d better remove your robe before you start," she directed.

"Maharani, you know if I do that I’ll be totally undressed," I ventured.

"And your point is?"

"None at all," I said and hung my robe on a peg.

I ignored the looks of the Maharani and the others as I walked across the grounds to the pond, waded in with my basket and started scooping the dead lilies out of the water.

As the pond got deeper I found myself using the floating basket to stay above water until it became obvious that I was going to have to find a better way to do the job than swimming around the pond like a fish.

Fish. Fish net. Fishnet stockings. Strike the last thought.

A fishing net might work out fairly well if I was careful. No, the good ones would be swept up with the bad ones as well.

I swam back to the shore and got out of the water and realized I looked like the Swamp Thing. Oh well. I carried the basket to the compost heap where I dumped the dead vegetation on the heap and turned discover my Teacher waiting for me.

"You are wanted. Get dressed," she directed.

"Teacher, I’m covered in pond slime and muck. Shouldn’t I get cleaned up?" I asked.

Her response was a slap across the face that startled me.

"You will do as you are told, when you are told student. Is that clear?" she demanded sharply.

I dropped to my knees before her and bowed before speaking.

"Yes Teacher, " I groveled sensing her anger toward me at that moment. I wasn’t sure if it was my question or the subject she had come to discuss that was angering her most, but the pain in my jaw was sufficient to tell me that a serious amount of humility was going to be required.

She at least let me get dressed before leading me back to the Temple and ordering me to kneel before the altar.

"We have considered your request and your words upon our last meeting," I heard the voice say from the shadows.

"Thank you Maharani," I said softly.

"We can not permit you to contact anyone outside of our Temple. Perhaps in time, we will change our minds."

"I understand Maharani. May I be permitted to resume my duties? " I said tightly, controlling my anger and disappointment.

The dark woman stepped from the shadows and stood before me with a look of compassion and sadness on her ebony face.

"Understand that this was not a decision reached lightly or casually. While I have faith in your word being good, I have a responsibility to the whole community."

"A headsman’s apology is unnecessary. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. I understand that but in this case I don’t like it," I replied sourly, which only resulted in my Teacher slapping me on the side of the head for my rudeness.

"Understandable. You may go now. Your Teacher and I have things that must be discussed," she instructed.

As before I rose and backed from the room head bowed, knowing that one does not turn their back on a Queen.

I didn’t go back to the garden immediately, but sought refuge in the bathhouse and took a few minutes to rinse the pond scum from my body.

"Well now what are you going to do?" I thought to myself. "Escape or settle down and live the life of a gardener and masseuse?"

"It is the duty of every officer to escape under the Geneva Convention," one of my little voices chimed.

Another of my little voices reminded me of what I always considered the Three Laws of Submission.

"First Law: A submissive must do no harm, or allow through inaction a Mistress or other to come to harm.

"Second Law: A submissive will obey all orders given except where it conflicts with the First Law.

"Third Law: A submissive must protect his or her existence except where it conflicts with the First and Second Laws."

Yet another member of my internal committee reminded me that I was drafted this time and didn’t have a choice.

"Like I had a choice with Mistress Minx," I muttered to myself aloud.

"Aren’t you supposed to be cleaning the pond?" I heard Alexi’s voice say behind me startling me.

"Don’t do that!" I snapped. " You scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry. You need to get back to work though before my Maharani notices," he warned.

"Jawol," I replied sarcastically, and left the room my mind still on matters other than the care and feeding of plants.

I recovered my basket and after throwing my robe onto the side of the pond jumped back in to continue my work, the cold water dousing my anger for the moment.

I sought permission to eat in my cell that night and it was granted to my surprise as I expected the last thing anyone would do is give me even a fractional bit of privacy in which to plot and scheme, until I considered that they didn’t have that much control over my thinking and I could plot in the middle of a bed of roses as well as in my cell.

I expected to be summoned to Mistress AngelFox’s chambers that evening as usual but even that didn’t happen to my surprise. I found myself in a sense missing the challenge of her attempts to gain the control over me that she desired.

Bored I left my cell and wandered my way to the Temple itself and knelt before the altar to pray to the Goddess for guidance and comfort.

I looked at the stone statue reflecting the light of the altar candles and let my mind drift, hoping to find a glimmering of hope in the pools of light. I could see the same expression on the face of this stonework that the orisha I had presented to Minx so long ago possessed. I took comfort in knowing that if I was praying to the Goddess it was one that knew my heart and soul.

"Goddess," I said softly," you know what I desire. Yet you know what I need as well. Please grant me the vision to see what I should do."

I just watched the stone face in the reflected light and waited for an answer to come to me.

I was joined by a red robed and hooded figure that ignored my presence and after lighting a yellow candle, knelt beside me silently.

A few moments later another figure wearing a white robe joined the two of us and performed the same ritual except for lighting a red candle instead.

I continued to wait blotting the presence of the others from my mind, my inner self, listening for the answer to my question.

The white robed figure left and was replaced a few moments later by one in green who lit a white candle and instead of kneeling, left the Temple quickly.

In the distance I heard the rumble of thunder that penetrated the walls of the Temple and the candles flickered in a draft that suddenly blew through the cracks in the stone walls.

"You must leave now," I heard the black Maharani’s voice say from the darkness.

"When I have my answer from the Goddess I will," I replied softly.

"There is danger here when the storm comes," she warned.

"Are you leaving?" I asked.

"My place is here."

"Then I am not leaving. For believe me! "I quoted" the secret of realizing the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment of existence is to live dangerously! Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius! Send your ships out into uncharted seas! Live in conflict with your equals and with yourselves! Be robbers and ravagers as long as you cannot be rulers and owners, you men of knowledge! The time will soon be past when you could be content to live concealed in the woods like timid deer!"

"Nietzsche," she said.

"Something to think about," I said as another clap of thunder resounded nearer this time and I could see the flash of the lightning through the seam in the Temple door.

"And you expect the Goddess to answer you?’ she said ignoring the howl of the rising wind.

"You expect the Goddess to protect you here. Why shouldn’t I expect to have the Goddess answer my question here? You see I don’t have anything to lose by waiting, any more than you do by staying."

Before she could reply the sound of a downpour of wind driven rain thundered against the wooden doors of the Temple and the candles started to flicker out under the relentless wind. Only the newly lit red, yellow and white ones remained alight, illuminating the altar

There was no reply from the darkness as the rain boomed against the temple roof and the first trickles of rain made their way in through the gaps in the stonework.

To my dismay the yellow one started to go out and I rose to protect it from the wind with my body.

"Do not interfere student. If it is the will of the Goddess that it fail, it shall," the dark Maharani said stepping into the pool of light from the remaining candles.

I looked towards her and bowed.

"Her will be done," I agreed.

We sat silently, listening to the sound of the wind and rain and the water drops on the stone floor of the Temple itself, focusing solely on the triad of candles.

I noticed her shiver slightly and offered her my robe.

"You need your robe student," she refused.

"And you need to be warm Maharani," I replied.

She didn’t speak for a long time, just continued to gaze at the altar and the candles that still continued to resist the wind.

"Do you know what the candles mean student?" she asked finally.

"The yellow is for the Goddess, the red is for love and the white is for purity or truth," I replied after thinking for a moment.

"Is truth more important than love?" she asked.

"Does it have to be more important or at least as important as love? I loved my wife; gone to the Goddess many years ago and I still feel that love. In truth she died by her own hand, her drinking leading to her death. It took many years before I accepted that truth and that truth did not change my love.

"I love my Mistress, but not in the same way. I have sacrificed for her and would protect her with my life if need be. But in truth she loves me as her submissive and her pet, but no more. We tried to have a deeper relationship but there are factors that make it impossible for her.

"This doesn’t change my feelings for her even though she released me from her service. I will always serve in my heart.

"Love and truth are not exclusive of each other."

The door to the Temple opened and a wet figure entered then struggled against the force of the storm to close the door and secure it behind them.

The lone person entered the circle of light around the altar and pulled back their hood to reveal the wet head of my Teacher.

"You must come with me student. The storm is growing more violent," she advised as thunder resounded outside.

"Teacher, I can not. I must stay. The Maharani will not leave and the danger to her is the same as the danger to me," I refused.

"Than I shall stay as well," she said and removed her robes to kneel naked before the altar, impervious to the cold and wind that eddied through the Temple.

I started to argue with her and then thought again about it.

It was her right to expose herself to danger as well.

The three of us huddled before the altar, joined a short time later by Alexi who also refused to leave when ordered to.

"Where my Mistress goes, I follow," he said and knelt silently.

The storm continued to hurl itself again the stones of the ancient Temple as the candles continued to fight for their lives watched by the four of us, the Mother, the Teacher, the Beloved, and the Student, determined to see that the flames of truth and love did not fail unattended either in that room or in the inner light of our hearts.

It was many hours later that the last rumbles of the storm faded into the distance and we rose, my Teacher once again dressing before opening the Temple doors to the glory of sunrise.

"I suppose there will be a lot of work for me today Teacher", I said as the four of us watched the sun rise.

"Yes. The garden will need a lot of clean up after that," she agreed.

"Michael," I heard the dark Maharani say.

I turned startled at her use of my name.

"Yes Maharani?"

"Leeda will provide you with a map and provisions and bring you your backpack and clothing," she directed.

My Teacher looked at her in surprise and then with joy in her eyes.

"Yes Maharani, " she said and dashed off after kissing me on the cheek with Alexi trailing behind her.

"I’d ask you why you’re doing this, but I’m afraid to look a gift horse in the mouth as it were. Thank you," I said.

"As you said ‘the time will soon be past when you could be content to live concealed in the woods like timid deer!’ I will have to trust that when you tell the tale, you will conceal as much of the truth as you can."

"I will," I assured her as my Teacher, now known to me at last as Leeda, returned with my bedraggled possessions and a map.

I dressed quickly in my old clothes and listened as Leeda showed me on the map how to return to the village I had left weeks before.

"I’ll probably never see you again," I said as I slipped the backpack onto my shoulders." I will always remember your kindness.. And your love."

She looked into my eyes and smiled.

"You may be surprised someday. I might turn up on your doorstep to listen to another of your stories," she replied.

"Just don’t forget Alexi," I said looking at him as he stood a short distance away from the two of us an unhappy expression on his face.

"I wouldn’t. He’s going to miss you, you know."

I walked to where he was standing waiting and before he could say anything I hugged him tightly.

"Don’t make any trouble for your Mistress or I’ll come back and kick your ass," I said.

He laughed and held me tightly for a moment before releasing me.

"You must hurry," the dark Maharani urged," before the others come out."

I walked back to her and knelt before her for a moment.

"May I have your blessings Maharani?"

She smiled down at me.

"The blessings of the Goddess will always be with a seeker of truth and beauty. Now go."

I rose and with one last look at my friends and the garden I had cared for, started the long trek back to the world I had come from.

"And that’s the whole story. It took me about a day and a half to get back to town and then I had to explain where I’d been for the previous six weeks. If I hadn’t been permitted to make a phone call, I’d probably still be answering questions," I said sitting up finally and looking into Minx’s eyes.

"If I hadn’t seen the pictures, I’d call you a liar myself. Do you think that you’ll ever see Leeda again?" she asked.

"Stranger things have happened in my life. You should know; you’re one of them."

She nodded in agreement.

"Well you’ll have to tell the story to Anna and see what she says. Do you think that the Temple is a threat to Ay’esha?"

I shook my head.

"In the words of Greta Garbo, they only ‘vant to be alone."

‘"What about becoming allies?"

"I’m not sure that you understand what I’m saying. I’d classify them as covered by the Prime Directive if I were in Star Fleet."

"I’m not sure Anna will agree," she warned.

"It doesn’t matter what she wants anyway. I burned the map with the route on it before I contacted the authorities," I explained.

"You what?" Minx said shocked.

"I burned the map. If I’d had it on me when I went to the authorities, they might have found the Temple. I wasn’t going to risk that."

Minx didn’t say anything , just walked out the front door and closed it behind her without a word.

I knew I’d pay for my actions later, if not by her hand, by Anna’s.

I got up and poured another cup of tea and looked out the kitchen window at my struggling garden choked with weeds.

"Duty calls," I thought.

Adam and Eve never returned to the Garden of Eden, cast out forever.

But I would make my little piece of Eden sparkle again as a reminder of my time in Shangri-La.

Chapter 26 Sections 1 to 3

Lost Horizon
Erehwon
Nowhere Man